Relational Focusing
Dear Friends
When I am teaching Focusing to anybody now, I have four things in my mind:
1 Respect
By respect, I mean that I want to follow, not to lead.
2 Tenderness
By tenderness, I mean that I want to remember that everybody is vulnerable, even when we are hiding it.
3 Phrasing
By phrasing, I mean that I want to hear what the person is saying, in exactly the way that he or she means it. Or if it is a picture, I want to see in the picture exactly what the person wants me to see in it, but without intruding. Or if it is gesture or action, I want to feel in the bodily movements exactly what the person wants me to feel in them, but without intruding.
More than this: I find that when I do hear just what the person is trying to say, their meaning changes a little. It is carried forward, as we say.
4 The inner world
By the inner world, I mean that every sentient being (every animal or person) has a private zone of being, to which no other person has direct access. I want to be sensitive to what may be going on in that private world, which I can only imagine from the person’s phrasings.
And that is what I should say to anybody, who asks how to be there for their child or their parent, their friend or their lover, or for the stranger who is perhaps in trouble.
I call these four things that I have in mind, “Relational Focusing”.
Of course, there are also many bits and pieces of practical advice, like having paper and crayons always to hand.
Kind regards,
Rob
November 20th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Dear Rob,
I came back to this after having read it sometime back. I love it of course and hope you are ok with me sharing it in my level 3 course which places the emphasis on exploring relationship.
I am so happy with the wonderful way you are always able to capture and express the tumbling around thoughts in my heart and head.
I feel your insights are always so valuable for sharing. That means I cherish you Rob and your presence in this community.
Gratefully Lucy